Iago's Rage Collection
by Christopher Spielberg
Summary: A one-shot collection featuring Disney characters like Iago, Tinker Bell, Zazu, Rafiki and a few others, tell about the anger antics and issues with movies, video games and pop cultural stuff throughout the story. Bad word warning; Rated T-M for coarse language.
1. Iago Rages at Sim City

**This story is a series of one-shots featuring Disney characters like Iago, Tinker Bell, Zazu, Rafiki and others, as Iago rants and rages about some disagreements, glitches and cons of famous video games and worst games and such, along with movies, studios and other stuff. On the bright side, he also does good reviews on movies and updates with vacations and such.**

 **This one-shots collection story will be rated T to M due to coarse language.**

 **Inspired by Boogie2988/Francis**

"Hey guys, it's me, Iago, and I want to talk to you one more time about the game Sim City, this is kinda my closing remarks on the whole thing.", the bird says, continuing, "Uh, you know, I know you're tired of hearing about it, cause everybody's talking about it, even CNN and Forbes magazine. You know posting articles about how what not to do, that is what not to do, and you know EA really kinda dropped the ball, we all know that. And I want to talk about some other stuff related to the game today if that's all right."

Iago hesitates, and explains,

"Just so you know... EA's done everything they could in the last week since the video game release, to try to get more servers online to improve online stability, they just done everything they could to make the game worth playing and incapable of being played, okay? And now, when I login, I actually login, there's certainly not a 20-30 minute wait time, I can actually get into my city, I can actually build a city, and I can play for a few hours at a time. And fortunately..."

Iago then bursts in rage and anger,

"...THE FUCKING THING DOESN'T RANDOMLY DELETE MY FUCKING CITIES ANYMORE, JUST BECAUSE I LOST CONNECTION, TO THE FUCKING SERVER, WITH A PATCH IN IT, **FOR THE 35TH FUCKING TIME!** "

Iago then stops for a second, pauses and calms a bit.

"I promised I wasn't going to get angry, I'm not gonna get angry. I just want to talk about the problems, okay? I'm really sorry.", Iago says as he continues the reason, "So that you can say EA's done a pretty good job, and in the PR market, they've done a pretty good job of trying to cover their bases and make things right. They're going to give us a free fucking game, for all the people who preordered or purchased Sim City before March the 18th, You're going to get a free fucking game, I'm sure it's gonna be..."

Iago once again gets angry,

"... **GODDAMN ELIMINATE TYCOON,** LIKE I GOT ON MY FUCKING ANDROID, **WHEN THEY GAVE ME A FREE FUCKING GAME?!** "

Iago then gets calmed again, saying,

"I'm not going to get mad. I'm not going to get mad. Fucking eliminate tycoon. It better be fucking crisis, but I digress. Once you get past, the, server authefi-authentication issues in the online connectivity issues...", Iago says before yelling, "... **WHICH IS A BIG FUCKING THING TO TRY TO GET PAST**...!", continuing, "The game itself isn't all that great, it's not Sim City 4, in fact, it's pretty fair removed from it."

Iago then continues his explanation of Sim City, "At the end of the day, the city sizes are small, they're fucking tiny, and when you're trying to commit to a whole region, when you build two cities that are supposed to be side-by-side, it looks fucking stupid! Because they're square-shaped, and they are built to the brim at that very edge...", he says before starting to get mad and raising his voice,

"And there's nothing between the two fucking regions, THE WHOLE FUCKING THING LOOKS LIKE **SHIT!** I'M TRYING TO PASS 7.5 MILLION PEOPLE, IN A FUCKING 5 SQUARED FUCKING **MILES!** THAT'S NOT SIM CITY! THAT'S SIM FUCKING TOWNS! **MORE LIKE SIM...SHITTY! OH, FU-** "

Iago then calms down for the third time,

"And of course, I'm having problems with the AI, just like everybody else. Last night, I finally build a bus station, and my count with 75,000 people in it. And I hired some buses, so I start watching my buses, and I plan my- I plan my fucking bus routes exactly, the way the designer of the game told me too, and the fucking guide I bought for $9.99, and the goddamn bus keeps going down the same road, u-turning, u-turning, u-turning, u-turning...", Iago says, before about to burst his anger again.

"He never passes, a single fucking bus stop, he's got a hundred people on the goddamn bus, and they can't get off because HE DOESN'T LET THEM **THE FUCK OFF!** "

Iago calms down once again.

"What the fuck am I playing? But I digress, okay, seriously, the truth of the matter is the game, is probably gonna be really good for the next month, to 6 months, and I think by then, I might probably re-purchase the game or re-install. Oh, and I do mean, re-purchase the game. And of course by then..."

Iago gets angry once more.

"Since it's **ELECTRONIC FUCKING ARTS-** THAT'LL BE 60 TO 70 DOLLARS WORTH OF MICRO-TRANSACTIONS, I CAN FUCKING BUY, YOU WANT YOUR BUSES TO LEARN TO DRIVE IN A STRAIGHT FUCKING LINE, **THAT'LL BE $18.99!-!-!** "

After raging, Iago continues,

"Because I'm getting a refund! I asked you guys for one, you said no, my bank will take care of it, and so what you ban my origin account...?! I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING THING ANYWAY!", he yells, knocking his headphones over since he is a parrot.

After this, he calmly leaves the room, ending his rant of Sim City.


	2. Iago Rages at Facebook Messenger!

"Hey guys, it's me, Iago, and I'm fucking pissed, and this is going out to the people who make fucking FACEBOOK! FUCKING FACEBOOK! MARK FUCKING ZUCKERBERG! WHILE I FUCKING SUCK MY DICK-ERBURG! **WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OVER THERE?** ", the parrot raged, before he explains.

Iago then explains, "I use your fucking website every day, I use it to run my fucking business, I use it to write to my fucking friends, I clicked your fucking ads, I clicked your fucking links! And I use it to send messages to my family! ...I use it every day for the last four fucking years, I use it on my **PHONE!** "

The parrot then looks at his phone for a second for an example.

"And now...six months ago! I try to send a message, and every time I do, do you wanna download Facebook Messenger? NO, I can already send messages, to the fucking app!", Iago explains, as he then repeats, "Do you wanna download Facebook Messenger? **NO, I CAN ALREADY SEND MESSAGES TO THE FUCKING APP!** ", he yelled. "So, I don't download your fucking shitty Facebook Messenger...and now you make me do it; now you turn it off! Now I can't send messages through your fucking app, without your goddamn fucking Messenger!"

Iago took a breather, who then yelled out,

" **FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOOOOU!** I don't want Messenger, and I tried to install it...and it says you need access to all my SHIT! All my contacts, all my names, all my numbers, all my phone calls, you have to access my phone, so I can send a message on fucking **FACEBOOK!** "

After this, Iago lets out all his rage on it.

" **FUCK YOU, I'm so done! I'm so fucking done! I'm so...fucking...done...!** ", Iago screamed as he started wrecking his iPhone with a hammer, " **...I'm fucking done...with fucking Facebook!** ", he says as he wrecks his phone for the last several times, calming down definitely.


	3. Iago Wins Settlers of Catan?

Tinker Bell was looking at the flowers as Iago was playing Settlers of Catan with his friends Wilbur (The Rescuers), Yo-Yo Flamingo, and Jose Caroica.

"How many points do you have?", asks Iago to his friends.

Yo-Yo Flamingo was using hi yo-yo, checking his points, "I've only got...one, two, three, four points."

"Well, I'm at fucking eight, right now, there are nine, I'm actually at nine, if I get one more point, I can win the game, because you know, we've played for two fucking hours, get a goddamn iron please.", says Iago.

Yo-Yo Flamingo then apologizes Iago as he checks his cards for an iron card while using his yo-yo.

"How can you not have an iron, you're the fucking iron mechanist in the entire goddamn game?", Iago asks to Yo-Yo Flamingo, as the latter was replied. "OR I don't give a fuck, just- Can you hurry up then, so he can go and he can get fucking iron please?", the parrot asks again, pointing to his friend Wilbur, as Yo-Yo Flamingo excuses himself, as Wilbur agrees with him. "Oh my god. You're one of the slowest goddamn players I've ever fucking played with, by the way. I-"

Wilbur says to Iago, "You got seven. How many cards you have?"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, Wilbur! Why did you roll a fucking seven?! I got- Ah, look at he's fucking weak! What do I use this card now to?", swore Iago. "Oh my fucking god, I've only got nine cards, is that a six? Or is that- Oh my fucking GOD! DAMN IT!", the talking parrot yelled, throwing his cards at his friends. "Take the fucking weak, take the fucking weak!"

Yo-Yo Flamingo suggests, "Throw again, Iago."

"Oh my god, oh my- You can't fi-", Iago gasps.

Wilbur accuses, "You steal a card from me-"

" **WHY ARE YOU FUCKING STEALING FROM ME?!-!?** Steal from him, he's at 8 points, he doesn't have any- He fucking had- Are you fucking kidding me?", argues Iago to Wilbur, talking about Yo-Yo Flamingo and Jose Caroica as Tinker Bell watches this arguing game happening.

Yo-Yo Flamingo stops playing his yo-yo and looks sarcastically at Iago, sighing, "Calm down, or else I'm quitting."

"You- You can't fucking quit when we played for two fucking hours- You don't get to quit until I fucking win, Yo-Yo!", Iago told the flamingo the rules.

Yo-Yo says, "You're not winning.", as Wilbur and Jose gasped, with Tinker Bell shocked.

"How the fuck am I not gonna win, I'm at nine fucking points, Yo-Yo!", shouted the parrot.

Yo-Yo then has it, "That's it. I quit. I'm done."

"You can't fucking quit! YOU CAN'T FUCKING QUIT! YOU CAN'T...", Iago says, throwing the cards again at Yo-Yo as Wilbur, Jose and Tinker Bell look in horror, as he then tilts the game table, shaking the cards off of it, before Iago uses his strength to break the table. "... **FUCKING**...QUIT!", he yelled before he calmed down, saying to his friends as Tinker Bell watched. "Not unless I fucking win."

As a matter of fact for him, he actually did win Settlers of Catan.

Obviously.


	4. Iago Plays Magic: The Gathering

One night at a card store, Iago was competing against Skully (from Jake and the Neverland Pirates), another parrot, playing a card game called Magic: The Gathering, with Tinker Bell there was watching him play.

"Now- that is bullshit.", says Iago while playing Magic: The Gathering with the other parrot Skully. "What I'm trying to say is- Fine, fine. I don't even have cards in my hand!", he says before making a complaint as he mildly threw his card on his card deck. "That's just 14 to 17! FUCK!"

Skully asks, "Are you done?"

"...Yeah, I- Go, just go, get ready to attack me.", Iago skips, as Skully goes a little bit through the instructions. "I don't care!", he says as Skully told the mandatory rules of Magic: The Gathering for a bit more. "Fuck- I'm in six, dude!"

Skully then says, "Wha- Then I can't do this without you."

"Goddamn it, GodDAMN IT!", swore the red parrot.

The green parrot continues, "You're playing, so, let's do this."

"Seriously, I'm gonna stup, I'm- I'm gonna stup...", Iago warns him.

Skully calms him a bit, "You're not stupid, You actually aren't. One, two, three, four, over a roll...", as he rolled the dice.

"Three.", corrects Iago to Skully for the dice, as the red parrot groans, "Goddamn it...", before Skully mumbles something in the game. "It doesn't matter, what are you gonna do? Bounce my human?"

Skully says to him, "I really don't know what this game's capable of, is the problem though."

"I...!", groans Iago, saying to Skully, "Goddamn it...I-I'm losing my patience.", warning the other green parrot.

Skully then held a card out and requested to Iago, "You? You want double play?"

Iago then realizes that his impatience is about to get the best of him since he was requested a double play. With anger.

" **FUCK!** You're kidding...?!", Iago swears.

Skully suddenly hushes him by grasping the red parrot's beak, excusing, "Judge. Judge."

Suddenly, Iago, with all his anger and strength, then topples the game table over, yelling, " **FUCK!-!-!** ", startling Skully and Tinker Bell as the game pieces and cards spilled on the floor, the table almost completely turned sideways. Iago then stood up and completely turned the table upside-down, threatening and swearing to Skully, "FUCK THIS GAME! **Fuck you!** "

As Iago and Tinker Bell were about to leave, Skully nervously and curiously asks, "So I win, right?"

In fact, after this gaming tragedy, there were no winners.


	5. Iago says Fix Xbox Live!-!-!

"Hey, guys, it's me Iago, and...my therapist told me in order to expertly communicate, I have to speak clearly, and without anger, so today, I'm gonna try to do that.", the parrot introduces. "This is a message for the people of Microsoft who run Xbox Live, I want to communicate expertly something important to you."

After saying this, Iago then grabs and holds out his Xbox 360.

Iago says about his Xbox 360, "This is my Xbox 360, and I use it to play video games, I got this one after I broke my other one, because of Red Ring- This is my third one, and I got the cheapest one in the whole one I still have to run, I can, uh...wire to adapt internet access, and you can do a lot of things on an Xbox 360, you can connect to the internet, and you can browse the internet, and you can watch your Netflix, and you can look at video games, you can play video games online, and you can download games and pay for them, and it's really fun. But in order to do these things, you have to pay an Xbox Live fee, which can run as much as $9.99, or if you get a special deal, it can be as cheap as $4.99. And I have a question..."

A moment later, Iago's explanation turns from creative and informative, to angry and complaining.

"Why the fuck does it cost money to play a game I already fucking bought?! Why the fu- I'm already paying $7.99 for Netflix! ...Why the fuck do I have to pay to be online with this piece of shit?! ... **Fuck it!** ", complains Iago, as he threw his Xbox 360 backwards to the couch behind him. "Okay? What else do I have in my house that can get online? Well, let's see..."

As Iago was about to do his second complaint, he grabs and holds out his Playstation 3.

"I have a Playstation 3, okay? What can I do with a Playstation 3? Well, I can connect to the internet, and I can browse the fucking thing, and I can play video games that I bought, and I can watch Netflix, and I can watch Hulu, and I can stream music, and also, I don't have to see fucking ads on my dashboard, for fucking Doritos and Mountain Dew- Hey, guess what? I know what Mountain Dew is, okay. look at me! I know what fucking Doritos are! You don't have to tell me that I get Halo points for fucking...buying the- What the fuck? Okay, they do charge me money, okay, if I don't wanna get Playstation Plus, I can play for it. They give me free fucking games, not pictures of MASTER CHIEF drinking FUCKING MOUNTAIN DEW! FUCK!", Iago says again, and throws his Playstation 3 backwards to the cough like the Xbox 360 earlier. "Okay?! What else do I have in my _fucking_ house that gets online?!"

While Iago's anger was rising up, he then grabs and holds out a mini red Nintendo Wii.

"Well, this red piece of shit, this is an Nintendo Wii, it is built for fucking four year-olds, and my fucking grandmother, and even this fucking thing streams Netflix for fucking **FREE!** ", he complains again about the Wii, throwing it back to the couch like the others.

Iago then grabs and holds his iPad.

"And what about this?! Oh, it's my fucking iPad, I can download fucking games, I can connect to the goddamn internet, I can play fucking games for fucking free, I can play against my opponents, I DON'T HAVE TO SEE ADS FOR MASTER FUCKING CHIEF!", he shouted louder as he threw his iPad behind him on the couch like the others.

Iago then pulls out his iPhone.

"Oh, what about my fucking phone?! My phone connects to the internet, from any-fucking-where! And I have to pay a fee, but it's for the fucking phone service, the internet is that I can connect to WiFi anywhere! It's fucking free to connect to WiFi, I can download fucking GAMES! I can fucking play GAMES! I can do whatever the fuck I want with it, I DON'T PAY $5.99!", he screeched, throwing his iPhone backwards.

And finally, Iago pulls out his Nintendo 3DS XL, with a Pikachu palette on the front.

"This is my fucking Pikachu Wii! This is my fucking 3DS XL! Connects to whatever the fuck I wanted to, whenever the fuck I wanted to! I can play games on it- I CAN STREAM FUCKING NETFLIX AT JUST **SIX FUCKING DOLLARS A MONTH!** ", yelled Iago, but does not throw the 3DS backwards like his other systems.

Iago then lets out a complaint of agression towards Microsoft.

"FIX YOUR SHIT, you con artists!-!-! You motherfuckers! **FIX THIIIIIS! I'm tired of paying for your bullshiiiit!-!-!** "

After letting all the aggression out, Iago finally calms down to this rant and finishes this complaint by saying,

"Thanks, guys."


	6. Iago says Don't Feed Me Crackers!

**Note: This rage one-shot of this story explains Iago's harassment of eating crackers.**

"Hey guys, it's me, Iago...and I'm having a pretty tough day. Cause you guys know, I got...I got all these new parrots coming in, cause I went on a podcast, and all these people are mean to me. These guys are mean as shit! You're always asking me to eat crackers, you...twelve, thirteen, fourteen year-old kids, I... You watched my video, I make a video about gameplay, I make a video about XBOX, all you say is... _"Oh, you eat crackers, you fat ass."_ ", he says.

Then, he began to get angry by this cracker taunt by some of the parrots.

"I know I hate crackers, Fuck you! FUCK YOU! **I know I hate crackers! I'm on a mirror, for god's sakes!** ", Iago yelled. "I look at myself, **_"WHY ARE YOU ON THE CAMERA EVERY GODDAMN DAY?!"_** I got over 8000 videos, and I don't eat crackers in every one of them! But you still go along and you say in every goddamn one, _"Oh look, you eat crackers! You eat-"_ **NO, SHIT I HATE CRACKERS!** Well, wel... Congratulations, _SHERLOCK!_ How long did it take you and Watson to figure that out?!", he says.

Iago then takes a few deep breaths and says,

"I know I hate crackers. I know I hate crackers! I haven't seen my dick for so long...I can have a **DECLARE LEGALLY DEAD, OF COURSE I HATE CRACKERS!** I had to walk sideways to get through the door of McDonalds! I can't- eee! Eee, I eat crackers, I like crackers! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU!". Iago then says calmly, but still stressed, "I'm trying to do something here with my life! I gotta do something- I'm gonna fucking eat **MCDONALDS!** "

After taking more deep breaths, he says,

"Fucking parrots. You know what I'm gonna get better to do?! SEND COMPLAINTS OF HOW MANY CRACKERS I EAT? READ IT, READ THE ACTUAL STORY, THERE'S REAL CONTENT IN THERE, I'M MAKING CONTENT, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, **FUCK YOU!-!-!** "

He then storms off a bit, sighing as this complaint ends,

"Sons of bitches."


	7. Iago got League of Legends Hacked!

Iago starts off the chapter as he sniffles, saying, "Hey guys, it's me, Iago. And I'm having a terrible fucking night... So, I tried to log in League of Legends...to play with my friends...they told me my password is wrong...and I know it's not wrong cause I've been keeping the fucking password has been, ever since the game was in **BETA!** "

Iago then was saddened, and continues his complaint,

"It's the same password I use for ALL MY FUCKING ACCOUNT! I keep trying to put it in, I keep trying to put it in, the thing was a bull! I tried to fucking put it right, I tried to keep putting the fucking thing in! It wouldn't work, it's **BULLSHIT!**...And I tried to do an account recovery, I tried to do password recovery, and I couldn't, I never got the ema- I NEVER GOT THE FUCKING EMAIL! I thought the servers were down or something, but I never got the fucking email! So I looked at the forums, and I... I think someone... I think someone hacked into my account. And I think he changed the email...on my account..."

Iago then thinks of something and complains,

"And I spent like a thousand dollars on LEAGUE OF LEGENDS! ...FREE-TO-PLAY, MY ASS! I SPENT ALMOST **TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! How is that free to play?!** I had almost a hundred skins! I had fucking past DECKS! FOR FUCK'S SAKES! Freaking Bowseramas..."

Iago cries with tears and continues,

"Goddamn it...on the forums, they said that, I got hacked! I got hacked, I GOT HACKED! That hacker's got...email, they got email information! They got passwords in the fucking **LOGINS!** Cause that motherfucker's got my **past decks!** Somebody's playing my League of Legends account, RIGHT NOW! ...And you know what's worse, what's worse is they fi- THEY HAVE CREDIT CARD INFORMATION! Credit card information, they told me to check my statement! **...Because I got credit card information! THAT'S MY LIFE, THAT'S MY MONEY!** And I CHECKED, and suddenly, I'm buying shit off of Amazon! I don't buy anything from Amazon, because I don't MONEY, because I'm too busy playing LEAGUE OF FUCKING **LEGENDS!** "

Iago suddenly slams his desk while complaining this, calming down a bit and sighing,

"I'm buying stuff in a mexican Walmart... **I'M NEVER BEEN TO FUCKING MEXICO!**...Right? I want my account back, I want my fucking account back, I want my fucking account back! It's my 1200 DOLLARS!", the red parrot yells, before slamming the keyboard on the desk and on his face, saying, "I want my fucking account BACK! Iwantitback, Iwantitback, Iwantitback, Iwantitback, I want it BACK!"

Iago finally calms down a bit before making a final complaint while slamming the keyboard again,

"I want my fucking money back! You, I want my fucking money back! You motherfuckers! For a thousand dollars a month, you can't protect! MY FUCKING **SECURITY!-!-!** "

Iago then finally calms down and sighs, facepalming,

"Fuckers..."


	8. Iago Hates Microtransactions

Iago starts off the chapter and says, "Hey, guys, it's me, Iago, I've been playing on my new consoles today, and I bought a game called Forza, but it's a racing game, I've never played the series before, a lot of people ask me to try it, because it looks really good on the Xbox ONE, so I thought I should give it a shot, and I played a little bit...of DLC, and I played Warframe on the PS4, and all these games have something in common. And it's really starting to upset me, these microtransactions, and if you don't know what a microtransaction is, it's like when you play like Candy Crush, you know, I spend a lot of money on Candy Crush...but you like play a level and then like, you seem to not have any trouble, would you like to spend a dollar, and it'll give you some candy bars, or here's two dollars, to give two dollars to give you some donuts, that's a really good deal, because I'm spending a lot more, I'm spending a lot money more than that on donuts and Krispy Kreme."

* * *

"You know, when I play a game that's free-to-play, like DLC, or Warframe, or Gears of War 2, or like League of Legends, I get it, you gotta sell me stuff, you know. You're gonna sell me stuff, you're gonna give me access to new characters, because they have developmental cost, and you've got like cost and you gotta pay people. You gotta order the pieces, man, you gotta buy a yacht, I get that. And the game is free, I didn't pay anything, so now it's time to pony up! Now it's time to pay the filler, I get it! Alright? You wanna play fiddlesticks, you gotta pay the filler, I get it!-! Alright...?!"

Iago hesitates for a few moments and then yells,

"...BUT I PAYED 60 DOLLARS! **FOR FORZA! Are you fucking kidding me?! I payed 60 fucking dollars!** And then right- right after my first race, it says; _Oh, you've got 100 credits. You start the game with a hundred credits._ Awesome, I wanna get 100 credits. What can you do with credits? You can spend the credits, and get a temporary speed boost, a hundred credits, you get boosts! Awesome, I wanna have speed boosts, YEAH! And the- then, I run out of boosts thirty minutes later, and I have to spend money? To get credits, to get a fucking boost?"

Iago then asks and shouted,

"Are you fucking kidding me?! I JUST SPENT **60 FUCKING DOLLARS! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM MADE OF MONEY?!** You're trying to nickel and dime me, nickel and dime me...", he shouts, as he grabs several nickels and dimes, saying humorously before seriousness as he dumps some of the coins like in a casino, "Nickel and dime me, nickel and fucking dime me, you want your nickels, you want your fucking DIMES?!"

The red parrot continues,

"And the- Okay, yeah, okay. You can get almost everything, in Forza, if you just play for over 400 hours, alright, I get that... OR YOU CAN SPEND 60 DOLLARS MORE RIGHT NOW, AND GET ACCESS TO THE BEST FUCKING CAR, you wanna drive a Lamborghini, at **60 more dollars?!** To bypass the races, to bypass the content! And I know some people got more money in time, I get that, BUT I FUCKING **DON'T!** "

After taking a few deep breaths, Iago whines,

"I wanna fucking drive a Lamborghini TOO! But don't make it impossible, but don't the only game way a 60 dollar PAYWALL!"

* * *

Iago continues, "Meanwhile at over fucking Nintendo, I-I get an adventure, for 40 dollars, that I don't find the fucking GENERATION! And-and-and 60 dollars for a fucking game, so I can come home, and spend 60 more dollars to bypass the CONTENT! Maybe by the end of this generation, I'll be able to spend **another** 60 dollars, that I won't have to install! THE FUCKING **GAME TO BEAT IT!** **GODDAMN IT! FUCK!** Fuck."

He yells this as he finally calms down and murmurs,

"Sons of bitches."


	9. Iago Hates Warlords of Draenor!-!-!

Iago starts off the rant as he calmly says, "Hey, guys, it's me, Iago, and this is going out to the guys out there who make World of Warcraft over at Blizzard Entertainment...", hesitating and saying, "...And I wanna talk to you about something, and you know what it is, so I'm gonna tell you anyway. Okay, you guys gave me a message email on Monday, saying 'Why don't you come back and play World of Warcraft again, Warlords of Draenor is dropping in this week, and you can play it, you can download it, so I fucking did."

The red parrot then explains,

"I payed **50** dollars for your expansion, I payed **15** dollars to get my game back up and running...and no, I've been trying to play for three FUCKING DAYS! Okay, I play all about 15 minutes! Unless, you include the new Ray boss and Q Ray boss!"

He then says,

"I am number 3000 in line! **3000 IN LINE?!** How many people do you let on the server at once?! **TWO?!-!?** I've been waiting for three hours! And when I finally get in, I finally get in, I'm just standing in a pile of people! And people are laying down the train! Woo-woo! Laying down the train! WOO-WOO! LAYING DOWN THE TRAIN! **WOO-WOO!** I can't make the fucking game work, I can't kill a single... **fucking animal!** "

Iago then takes a few deep breaths and says his point,

"And then the SERVER crashes, and I do it all over again! WOOOOOOO!"

Iago finally calms down and sighs, finishing,

"I don't know why I spent on anything different...you sons of bitches...goddamn it..."


	10. Iago Rage Quits Destiny!-!-!

Iago starts off and says, "Hey, guys... It's me, Iago... I was- I'm done, I'm coming home to make a complaint to let you guys and your friends know, I'm not playing Destiny anymore, I'm done with it, I quit. My friends said I can play it, and I don't even understand why they only play it on their console or computer, one of them didn't play it, so it's like a fucking loot crate for not playing the game. Okay? Because that's better than actually not playing the game doing these fucking strikes, and doing the process of playing 70 hours to do the fucking thing...and getting NOTHING in return, getting no loot, he's getting more loot than me, and I tried to play the game the right way! Why?"

The red parrot continues his Destiny explanation,

"Okay...let me tell you why I'm quitting the game, I'm gonna be entirely honest, besides the fact I think I got my third purple ingram today...and I got a blue ingram, besides that. Number one...the endgame doesn't make any sense... Why are there 19 currencies? Wait, you got coins, you got loot, you got something to put together, you fucking got vanguard point the- What the fuck is even going on? I don't know who wants what or what do they even want to fucking sell? Okay... I live in America and I'm a Disney character, and in America, we have one fucking currency, in this tiny little fortress, they've got twenty! Why?! I don't understand why! That doesn't make any sense! Okay..."

Iago says his second opinion,

"Secondly, I don't want to grind your factions, I don't know who these people are, I don't know, do I want to grind the Vanguard? I don't know- I can get Queen's Favour- What the fuck is Queen's Favour? Who the fuck is the Queen? Have I ever seen her, is she even in the game? I don't know, I watched three different cutscenes, I don't think anybody referred to as the Queen, there was a girl on a throne, I guess that might be her, I don't know. But here's what I do know:"

Iago continues his other opinions on why he's quitting Destiny,

"There's no story to the game! I- Every quest is the same! You take your Ghost, you put it on a pedestal, you move, you kill a hundred monsters, you move to the next pedestal, you put him on it, you kill a hundred monsters, over and over and over again! But wait, there's boss monsters, right too, boss monsters- Ever boss monster in the game is the same! Although they look different, but they all have a million headpoints, that's it, that's the whole give it! How about this guy? A million headpoints. How about this guy? A million headpoints. How about this guy? THREE million headpoints... We're on heroic mode! WOOOOO! Diversity in my game, hot damn!"

The parrot then sighs and says,

"Goddamn that game. Pisses me off. And you know what, they tell me on Twitter: ' _Hey Iago, go rate the gwalior.'_ ...That's how you tell a story now, Bungie? Are you fucking kidding me? I have to go read a fucking eBook on a website? You know, the whole point of gaming is the storytelling, interactive storytelling! Would you tell the elements of the story and the game I'm playing, I feel like I'm part of the world? You know what doesn't make me feel like part of the fucking world? **Reading an eBook on my fucking PHONE! WOO, I'm learning! All about this horse shit! Goddamn it!** I fucking quit."

Iago then exclaims his last opinion,

"And then I'm fucking- On disc DLC gets leaked... You wanna know why there's plot holes in the story? Because there's twelve story missions... THAT ARE AVAILABLE AT THE FUCKING LAUNCH OF THE GAME! ...Goddamn it..."

He then somehow calms down a bit, taking a few moments of deep breaths, and then asks his last question about Destiny,

"Why was Peter Dinklage taking sedatives, on the day he filmed the voice of the Ghost?! ...Sons of bitches... The same company who invented Master Chief, made a character I don't get a SHIT ABOUT."

Iago finally calms down majorly,

"Fix your fucking game...sons of bitches..."

Iago sighs.


	11. Iago says Fix PS4 and Xbox One

Iago starts off the chapter and greets, "Hey guys, it's me, Iago, and I've been having time on my new consoles, as you guys know they are the Playstation 4 and the Xbox One, while of course in the meantime, I've been playing Zelda on my 3DS too, but... I-I got some complaints that I want to talk to you guys what the Playstation 4 and the Xbox One is about, because you guys have really dropped the ball here, and I..."

The parrot then starts his console complaints,

"I wanna know why there's certain things that are not in the system; they should be in there! Like number one, neither of you guys allow me to stream my-my music and my videos from my computer! I don't understand why, I- Xbox, you are Microsoft! You're the guys who own Windows! You invented Windows Media Center, and I-I-I can't pair my Xbox with it? The-the frigging dashboard looks like Windows 8.1, I've got Windows 8.1 on this system, why can't I stream files from one system to the other? That doesn't make any sense; and Playstation, you had media streaming in the Playstation 3- **J** **ust copy the frigging SOFTWARE!** "

He continues,

"Like, I get it, okay? I-I know you're afraid of piracy and stuff, okay? But I like to watch Game of Thrones and I don't wanna pay for HBO, and even the guy who makes Game of Thrones, says it's okay, that I pirate the fucking thing, so let me WATCH IT! And by the way, Xbox Music, and Music Unlimited, **SUCK!** I can get Pandora for FREE! Why am I paying you guys! To have a worse system in Pandora?! ...What the fuck...!"

Iago then sighs and says to continue his complaints,

"A digital game price, that's something else I wanna talk about- Why is the game on Xbox more expensive in download, than it is TO BUY AT WALMART?! ...Alright, Playstation, you guys give me a lot of discounts for the Playstation Plus, so I guess it's probably square, but still. I-I don't understand, I have a physical copy of the disc- **How's that less expensive?!** I like Steam because of discounts, I get discounts, I want discounts, I want sells, I want cheap prices! I don't wanna pay **MORE THAN THE PHYSICAL DISC!** "

The red bird then has time for him to calm down a bit, finishing off,

"Fuck."


	12. Iago Disconnects His Kinect!-!

Iago starts off the chapter, "Hey guys, it's me, Iago, and I... I had a shitty day. I've been punching on...slash R gaming and Melcalfe and fucking Xbox Silver in it... Cause of fucking PHIL SPENCER, PHIL FUCKING Spencer! Who had a fucking Xbox. He comes in and changes everything, okay, I saw some good stuff, you know, today they announces the games of Gold is gonna get better, you get more games, you get two ga- free games a month, and you get some on Xbox One, and he announced that you don't have to have Xbox Gold, to do fucking Netflix and Hulu and stuff- **THEN WHY DID I BUY A YEAR'S WORTH NOTHING, FOR FUCK'S SAKES?!** "

Iago then calms a bit and says his point,

"Then he announces a new bundle... A new fucking bundle that doesn't come with Kinect... For a hundred dollars cheaper! Goddamn it... You know, we can't just throw the switch- Phil Spencer, **Throw the fucking SWITCH! Goddamn you, Phil!** I've got a Day One edition, you guys promised me! I didn't wait to get the Xbox One because you promised me, that there'll never be a fucking one without Kinect, and next thing you know, six months later, here's one without fucking Kinect!"

The parrot saddens a bit and says in a mix of heartbreaking and raging behaviour,

"I wish I wouldn't pay a hundred dollars on this FUCKING BRICK!", he yelled as he holds out the Xbox One's kinect, before he pounds it on the ground, swearing, "Fucking shit!", panting as he then swore, "Fuck.", as he hits it again on the ground.

He then nervously says after this,

"And the worst thing about it is...that I was started... I was getting used to it... Cause I may lazy sometimes, I might not want to have to look for the remote, I don't like to get up, and...uses voice command...and recognizes me when I come in the room... And I liked using it- And NOW YOU'RE GONNA STOP SUPPORTING IT!"

Iago then grabs the Kinect once more, yelling,

" **Goddamn piece!** ", he yells as he repeatedly pounds the Xbox One Kinect, yelling, " **Of fucking! Worthless! Shit! You sons of! Bitches!** ", as he lets out all his anger and sadness on the news of the Kinect for the Xbox One not supporting anymore, saying, "Fuck!", whilst pounding it once more.

The bird finally calms down and sighs,

"Phil fucking Spencer. You sons of a bitch."


	13. Iago Hates Google Plus

Iago starts off and says, "Hey guys, it's me, Iago, and I had a really long day, I tried to put up along this new Google+ bullshit! You know... It came out trying to tell us that, _'There's gonna be a better commenting system, better commenting system, we're gonna clean up the sex pool that is to Youtube's comment section!'_ I wanted to support them at first, I tried, everything I could to deal with it... And thought, I-I-I thought there was nowhere to go but up, you know, all the people do in my comment section is say _'You eat crackers, eat crackers, eat crackers-'_ **I already know I hate crackers!** ... _'You should kill yourself.'_ One guy said don't kill yourself, just wait, It'll happen eventually- What an asshole. And you know, they've decided to clean it up, you know, they're gonna fix it. This is not better, this is worse! How did they make it worse, I didn't think there was anything worse than the Google comment section! Like 4Chan is proud right now! Ah, what the fuck?"

The parrot then says his opinions on Google+,

"Okay, to begin with, you're supposed to use your real name; NO ONE'S using their real name! I saw Hitler, I saw Donald Trump, I saw, I saw Obama, that's no- Unless I was really Obama, and really Hitler, I don't think they're using their **real fucking** **NAME!** ...and you added Askiart? The-the- People are drawing pictures of dicks! People are putting up pictures of dicks; _'Donald Trump! No! Big fat dick!'_ Are you kidding me?! All my comment section isn't pu- Dick, dick, dick, cock, dick, dick, dick, dick, cock, dick, dick! What the fuck, you two! How is this better?!"

He then thinks of something,

"And I-I- And I had the Google+ immigration... Nobody wants to use Google+! You know what makes somebody hate, a service or a website? Forcing them to use it! You know, _'Oh, ho! I- Now that I'm forced to use Google+, I find it satisfying and interesting!'_ Said no one EVER! ...Are you fucking kidding me? ... _'Well you're right, Buffalo Bill! I sure do love living in a hole in your basement, there's always plenty of lotion!'_ WOOOOOOO! **WOOOOOOOO!** "

The red bird then says about Google+,

"I guess you're right. I guess you're right, it is better, because nobody's saying for me to eat crackers all day! Because of pictures of DICKS! And then o- And you let them a- Post links! Post links to anything they want on the entire goddamn internet? What are you thinking! I clicked one of those links today, in my other computer in the bedroom... And I got a VIRUS, I got a fucking virus! And its says, _'The FBI knows you look at porn, and we're gonna arrest you, and you need to pay $50 dollars to unlock this.'_ **I have to pay 50 dollars to attend and unlock a fucking thing!** I GOT A VIRUS! Viruses and dicks, and viruses and dicks, and viruses and dicks!"

Iago then starts his conclusion,

"Welcome to the new Youtube fucking comment section! Hope you'll enjoy **GOOGLE FUCKING PLUS!-!-!** ", he yells as he slams the desk, saying, "Fuck!"

He then sighs and says after calming down,

"Hope they're hiring at Vimeo..."


	14. Iago is Mad Disney bought Star Wars!

**Note: This chapter is in memory of Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds. RIP.**

Iago starts off the chapter by taking off his Darth Vader helmet with cutout Mickey Mouse ears, "So you've guessed you heard by now, George Lucas decided to finally sell off the Star Wars franchise, and sold off his whole studio, Lucasarts with it, for a billion dollars, TO THE HIGHEST FUCKING BIDDER. Oh, guess who bought it? Huh? You know who? Disney! Fucking Disney, of course you know! I'm a Disney character and I've got Mickey Mouse ears **on my fucking Darth Vader helmet!** "

Iago then explains the situation,

"Disney. My film Aladdin and Princess and the Frog, that fucking company! The people who bought...Pixar and then they make Wall-E! ...Cars 2: Electro Boogaloo! ...Nobody watches this shit. Nobody wants to see the shit. Fucking Disney... So yeah, I'm pissed, I've been pretty pissed all fucking day," he says as he angers something gibberish, trying the Darth Vader helmet with the Mickey Mouse ears away. "But then I've started thinking about it. Maybe it's not so bad. Because th- This maybe the best fucking thing George Lucas has ever done for the entire Star Wars franchise! The first best thing he done up till now, was let somebody else direct Empire Strikes Back! The worst fucking thing he ever do is make fucking Episodes 1-3! 1-3, what the fuck! And then re-release 'em, re-release 'em, re-release 'em, and so that's fucking done, I don't wanna watch 'em!"

The parrot also says some more opinions after hesitating,

"So maybe it's good if he's stepping away! Maybe it's good if you're retiring- _'Goodbye, Lucas, goodbye! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! ... **GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!**_ _'_ Maybe it's not anybody's memory, anybody's memory, even Disney! Even- _'Hoo-hoo, Mickey Mouse! Hoo-hoo, hey Goofy!' 'Of course!'_...Fucking weird voices on your characters? _'Hoo-hoo, of course, Mickey!'_ Goofy, please!"

The red bird then exclaims another potential idea for Star Wars and Disney,

"What are they gonna do, turn fucking Princess Leia into a Disney Princess, is that the bullshit we have to look **FORWARD TO?!** What kind of Disney Princess is that?! She wanted to have sex with her own BROTHER! You think I've noticed that?"

He then cuts to the chase for the seventh movie idea, which it already came out,

"They're gonna make a seventh movie. How do you make a seventh movie without Harrison Ford?! How do you make a seventh movie without Luke?! Mark fucking Hamill, Carrie fucking Fisher, have you seen Carrie Fisher, she looks like a MESS IN IT! ...Mark Hamill sounds like the fucking Joker, it's the best role he ever had!", he says before he makes another rant gibberishly, yelling, "Harrison Ford looks like he knows how to **sing in an old folk's home! HOW CAN HE BE HAN FUCKING SOLO?!** Chewbacca's gone bald, how can they make a seventh fucking movie!"

Iago calms down a bit and sighs,

"Four billion dollars. You know what I can do with that fucking money; for people on Youtube, to make fan videos for like a five hundred bucks! Four billion dollars, fuck! Give me some of that money, I- Money I can whip up some fucking gold. Cause I'll tell you something, I'll tell you something- George Lucas, if George Lucas had to make movie number seven, here's one that would've been! It would've been filmed with George Lucas- Ah, opening credits...says Episode 7 flows by...we cut in fade from black, George Lucas is sitting in a porcelain toilet in a solid white room, in front of a solid white wall...and he starts...", Iago explains, making grunting sounds like in the bathroom, continuing, "And then he takes the world's nastiest big hunk of shit, right in the toilet...then he reaches it and he grabs it...he grabs it by the hand and he starts writing on the wall! Episode...7! And he flips you off with his shit-covered hands! Anything's better than that."

The parrot then starts his concluding rant,

"Where's Force Unleashed III- 4- 2- I don't fucking even know! They gotta make video games, stop making this bullshit, Disney! I want my fucking I-"

He then finally calms down after overwhelming rage and rant, sighing whilst still a bit angry,

"Fucking Disney...!"


	15. Christmas Cards with Iago!

**Note: This is the conclusion of Half 1 in the fanfic. I'm planning to create more than 4 halves through the course of the few years. This chapter is also Christmas oriented. It's New Year's Eve, so it'll be the start of 2017 soon! Enjoy.**

 **To the creators of Mighty No. 9,**

 **Your game was neither Mighty or 9th on anybody's list, thank you for making the entire concept of kickstarting a game, an actual fucking joke. For my Christmas wish, can you please go fuck yourselves?**

 **Sincerely, Iago.**

* * *

 **Dear Gamestop,**

 **I was going to write and ask for a refund for your game No Man's Sky for Christmas, but Steam did that already. Unfortunately, Tinker Bell gifted me this copy of the Playstation 4 version of the game, which is not refundable. For Christmas, could you do me a favour? Could you try to fit it sideways up your ass?**

 **Sincerely, Iago.**

* * *

 **Dear Mountain Dew,**

 **I just wanted to let you guys know I still enjoy the delicious taste of a cold refreshing Mountain Dew while I play video games. I was just wondering, could you guys help me pay my taxes?**

 **Sincerely, Iago.**

* * *

 **Dear Nintendo,**

 **What a wonderful year you guys had was a lot of great products and great games. And I'm patiently waiting for the Nintendo Switch when it's released in 2017. For my Christmas wish, could you guys start printing more than four copies of things, so that I have a chance to buy it off of someone, who isn't a GODDAMN RESELLER?**

 **Sincerely, Iago.**

* * *

 **Dear Ghostbusters reboot team,**

 **Could you not? Seriously, could you just not?**

 **Sincerely, Iago.**

* * *

 **Dear Youtube,**

 **I was going to fly in and ask for my Christmas wish of being in the Youtube Rewind of 2017, instead though, do you think maybe we could rewind the algorithm, and the website, to sometime back, in 2013, WHEN THEIR WEBSITE STILL FUCKING WORKED!?-?!**

 **Sincerely, Iago...**


	16. Iago Hates 2016!

**Note: This doesn't count as the beginning of Half 2. However, it celebrates New Year of 2017! Happy New Year! In memoriam for those celebrities that died in 2016. May they rest in peace.**

Iago starts off the discussion, "Hey, guys. What's up? It's me, Iago. And everybody over the past couple days have been saying, _'Hey Iago, where's your report of saying goodbye to 2016? Where's your report?'_ You want me to write it, then fine! Fuck you, 2016!"

* * *

Iago continues and starts his complaints of why he hates 2016,

"2016, a shit. 2016 is shit. 2016 is the fucking dog turd of the year, and the dog turd that got...shit out by the...fucking hell to hell! 2016 is the fucking No Man's Sky of fucking years, okay, and it's also the year that gave us No Man's Sky, so think about that! 2016, is the definitive proof that time travel is never invented, because if it was, they would've come back to this year, to fix this shit! _'Hey, Iago? Why was the year so bad? Why is it not like any other year?'_ Let me fucking tell ya."

* * *

He then says about the problems in 2016,

"Yeah, sure, celebrities die every year, but these were pretty fucking important celebrities, okay? Fucking Prince? Uh, fucking David Bowie? Gene Wilder, the fuck- Willy Wonka, the Candyman? Do you think I like candy? And Princess...fucking Leia! Carrie Fisher was the woman I've always admired, okay? When I was a chick and I watched Star Wars, I admired her because of the...film, and as an adult parrot, I admired her because she's...crazy like me! And she beat the fucking odds! And then she's fucking gone!"

* * *

After crying for a bit for memorial of Carrie Fisher, the parrot then says more,

"And by the way, for those of you who don't understand...", Iago says, mocking a comment that was sent to him and ranted, in sadness for why he hates 2016. "And then as an American and Disney character everyday, I had to hear about this election- My life was consumed by this election, I couldn't be more fucking sick of it! And then on election day, those sexes have filled pieces of shit, and went down and voted! And half of them voted for Trump, and half of them voted for Clinton! That's just the light-hearted stuff, that's the stuff I don't mind making fun of. There's all kinds of shit here so dark, I can't talk about it, and the terrorist attacks and the bad fucking shootings! And the Youtuber that lost her life because one of her fans fucking killed her?! And a robbed bank, for fuck's sakes, for robbed bank!"

* * *

The red bird explains,

"And then there's all these people are saying, _'New year, new me, 2017's gonna be different, it's gonna be better!'_ No, it's still happening in the same fucking world! In the same fucking place, the same shit- that happened last year is gonna affect 2017! Change doesn't happen, because if the calendar rolls over, the change doesn't happen because you add one to the year, it's still the same world, it's still the same shit show! Change starts here!", he says as he points at his heart, then to his head, saying, "Change starts here! Change starts in here with you...sons of bitches, and you prove to me in 2017, none of us are willing to change!"

* * *

Iago taunts,

" _'We're all fucking happy on our little fucking circle jerk communities on Twitter and Reddit and Facebook, jerking each other off, making each other good because we agree with each other!'_ And someone dare comes along and disagrees with us, and challenges with our worldview, instead of trying to grow a little bit?! We fucking screwed that person, we tried to make him feel like shit, so we can feel good all over again!"

* * *

He then tells the point,

"Look, I'm not being the bad bird here, I want 2017 to be better too, and I believe that it can be, the problem is, for it to be better, WE have to be better, and I don't think that's gonna fucking happen. For this New Year's Day instead of being filled with hope, is that are being filled with hope for change and for something better... I'm gonna do something different... I'm getting torn the fuck up."

He finishes up by drinking a bit of the classical edition of Mountain Dew, sighing,

"Goddamn it!"

 **HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


	17. Iago is Angry at USPS, UPS, & FEDEX!

**NOTE: This is the first chapter of half 2.**

Iago starts off, "This is a message going out to the people who work for the...delivery services here in America. United States Post Office, FEDEX and UPS...I know you know what I am, because I get all my shit delivered, I talk to you guys at the door all the time, okay? Because I get my bird feathers online. That's right; **I get my bird red feathers at a bird people store! My bird red feathers at a bird people store!** Heh heh! It's so fucking funny, it's so fucking funny! You make fun of me, that's what you fucking do. You deliver my fucking- _"Oh, look! Another tit, Iago! You got another tit in the mail!"_ Fuck you."

Iago began his opinion by first going off with USPS,

"USPS. Could you be any slower? Uh, you think maybe, maybe if you hired some snails, if you glued your shit- Expected delivery day, Thursday! Friday! Monday! Tuesday! Fuck it- **Sometime before the end of the world, WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO END IN 2012, ANY FUCKING WAY!**...Yeah, I know it costs like 40 cents to mail a letter, okay? And it's great, because it's affordable, I get that."

He then snaps his temper, switching to his opinion towards FedEx;

" **WHO THE FUCK IS MAILING LETTERS!?** ...It was 2012, man! You got an email, I got a fucking email! And then they sent a message in the package, that does FedEx, UPS anybody else! ...It's not like you guys are off the fucking hook. Fucking Fedex, fucking Fedex! How do you know the exact moment I put my headphones on before you ring the fucking doorbell? How do you know where I finally sit down and take a shit!? How do you know where I finally lay down for a nap; how do you fucking know?! I don't go out sometimes, I'm here, how is there ever a doortag right on my front door?!"

The red parrot then said more about his opinion,

"Oh, I've seen you! I've fucking seen you! I put a camera up there, okay?! I've fucking seen you! You've got that doortag...filled out before you leave the fucking car! You got one...one...fucking...thing you're ringing the doorbell and in another fucking end, putting the goddamn thing on the fucking door! Stay for three fucking seconds, three fucking seconds, man! ...Fucking TRY to DELIVER IT! ...Or I'll start putting pictures of fucking...porn! And cats on the front fucking door! Maybe you'll see that fucking long enough!"

He then switches his opinion lastly to UPS,

"Fucking UPS. _Go brown. Go brown..._ **BROWN'S THE COLOUR OF SHIT!** ... _"Delivery's in the next five business days."_ What the fuck's a business day? It was 2012, man! Saturday, Sunday, I do fucking business, we all do fucking business! You should be doing FUCKING **BUSINESS!**...You don't even offer Saturday delivery! And that's whenever somebody's fucking home, that's when you SHOULD BE DELIVERING!"

Iago then cuts to the chase of his problems with all three mail services;

"And look at this shit! I ordered- I ordered a fucking...hat from Cafepress, it comes with the bag ripped the fuck open, I tried to get a replacement, I tried to get a...lightsaber for my blue one, and it comes like THIS!", the parrot says, showing the ripped bag for his ordered hat from Cafepress, before showing the broken lightsaber piece that he was supposed to order for a blue Star Wars lightsaber replacement. "IT COMES FUCKING BROKEN LIKE THIS! It's not even connected to the fucking hell!", he ranted, slamming the broken long piece of the ordered lightsaber on his desk.

After, the parrot rants, beginning to mess the broken lightsaber piece up,

"You wanna see fucking something broken? You guys wanna see fucking broken?!", he says as he messes the lightsaber broken piece around, "THERE YOU GO! UPS, USPS, FED-FUCKING...EX!", he concludes his sentence, throwing the broken lightsaber piece on the ground. "...Finish your job!"

He then reaches his ranting conclusion, "I ordered my Wii U- I preordered it three months in advance, I got it a week fucking late, I ordered Far Cry fucking 3! ...with one more dry call...! **I PAID FOR IT STRAIGHT 48 HOURS FUCKING EARLIER!-!-!** Do your fucking job! Do your fucking job! Do your fucking job! I want my packages, I WANT MY FUCKING PACKAGES, **I WANT MY FUCKING PACKAGEEEEEEEEEEES!** "

* * *

However, 10 minutes later after calming down from his last rant, he hears a doorbell, then a couple minutes later, he comes with a big box sent to him finally, which is the preordered Wii U, which he began to be happy for after this rant.


	18. Iago Rages at Mario Maker!

**Note: Two new Disney main and memorable characters in the oneshots are introduced from the Lion King, Zazu and Rafiki.**

Waking up in the middle of the night, Zazu leaves the bedroom where he was with Tinker Bell, and then sees Iago, his parrot buddy, raging while playing Super Mario Maker.

"Iago!", the blue toucan said.

The red parrot asks, whilst playing on the Wii U for the game Super Mario Maker, "Yeah?"

"What the...what the fuck are you doing?", asks Zazu.

Iago explains as he plays a very hard level, "I'm playing Mario Maker, I'm trying to finish this level so I can upload the fucking thing."

"It's...4:00 in the goddamn morning! Why are you yelling?", the blue avian told the red avian.

Iago then says, "I'm trying to beat a goddamn Mario level in 4:00 in the morning! I wanna go to bed, Zazu. I want to go to fucking bed, but I can't until I beat this fucking level, goddamn it...", before when playing the hard level, he dies in the game as he says, "Goddamn it, Zazu! ...You're ruining my fucking concentration right now. Where were you- Ugh. Where's Tinker Bell at?"

"She's asleep, she has stuff to do in the morning! You're in here yelling and waking us up.", excused Zazu.

The parrot argues, "I'm not waking you up, you're used to this kind of noise, Zazu. It's not a big...fucking deal- Goddamn it!", before becoming angry after seeing him die in the game again.

"It doesn't look that hard, just beat it already!", the toucan told him.

Iago then said, "Oh, let me see you fucking beat it, let me see you fucking beat it, Zazu. This is one of the hardest levels ever fucking created, okay? This is harder, than that one level that the Chinese guy made...the Panda Wing or whatever the fuck they called that one, the one that went viral, I'm trying to beat a level that goes viral, Zazu."

"So, did you make this then?", Zazu asks.

The bird answers, "I didn't fu- I beat my levels! _He_ made it."

"Who?"

"He did, he did!", Iago says as he pointed to the wise Rafiki.

Zazu groans, "He did not make this."

"Yes, Zazu, he's been working on it all night, he's been working on it since midnight, Zazu.", the parrot said.

The toucan wonders, "He's basically meditating.", seeing Rafiki, silent with his eyes open.

"No, he's also a goddamn genius, okay? He's practically thinking of another hard level, okay? They let you fucking know about video games! I know video games, he knows video games better than you, he knows video games better than the others, fuck you, Zazu.", says Iago.

Zazu then plans, "Let me see you- Just beat the level already, and go the fuck to bed-"

"It's good that you're filming this because it'll go viral, Zazu. And that's why you always tell me, you want to leave this house because I'm annoying you at times, you want to fucking move out or on your own, that's why I trying to do a fucking viral video, and viral fucking level, so I might have the money for you to move the fuck out of here maybe, so you won't have to deal with my fucking bullshit, Zazu. And you should talk to me one more time, to put crackers in your goddamn coffee again, so shut the fuck up!", explains Iago.

Zazu asks, "Wha-what do you mean again?"

"Yeah, that's right, fuck you, Zazu. Goddamn it...", sighs Iago, before noticing his character dying for the dozenth time in the game. "GOD-DAMN IT!", he yells, before turning to the now-meditating Rafiki, "Seriously, like what is with this fucking level? Like why do you think anybody's gonna fucking beat this? Nobody else can beat this level, until I can fucking beat it- So you get started again... Get started...play... Beat the- You get fucking start- Here's your stylus...here's your fucking stylus...", he says as Rafiki does so, abrupting his meditation, before the parrot yells, "REBUILD THE LEVEL! **REBUILD THE LEVEL! Rebuild the fucking level!** ", as Rafiki was shocked, before Iago threw several Amiibo packages around, causing Rafiki to facepalm. "START OVER YOU PIECE OF SHIT! Fucking FIX IT!"

Zazu calms, "Iago! Calm the fuck down!"

"What?", the parrot asks between Zazu's exclaims. He then says, "What, I'm calm! I'm fucking calm, Zazu! WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO **BED, ZAZU!?** Why don't you go the fuck back to bed?", yelling this as he threw one more Amiibo packages at Zazu. "I'm sick of your shit. I will go to bed when we beat the fucking level!"

The toucan firmly said, "You need to shut up. Stop yelling. We're trying to sleep. This is unacceptable."

"Zazu...Zazu, I'm trying...", Iago calms and then plans, coming towards Zazu. "Just go to bed, okay? Make sure Tinker Bell's happy."

"You know what, if you don't stop yelling, I'm gonna go in there...and I'm gonna have the loudest sex with her I possibly can. Because you keep us awake all night.", warns Zazu.

"Aah, oh, you're fucking Tinker Bell, Zazu, you're fucking- **WE ALREADY KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING TINKER BELL, ZAZU!** YEAH, WE CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE! GO THE FUCK TO BED, ZAZU! Go to fuck the bed!", yells Iago.

Zazu sighs once more, "I'm sick of this shit...", going back to bed, while Iago gets a chance to beat the level Rafiki made.


	19. Iago Rages Over Rock Band 4!

"Get your shit together, and learn to fucking play.", starts off Iago as he was with Zazu and Rafiki playing Rock Band 4, the parrot playing the game's additional drum set, and Zazu and Rafiki playing the game's additional guitars.

Tinker Bell then said, "I told you this was a bad idea...", before Zazu stutters as he was trying to explain.

"You stay out of this, okay?", asks Iago to Tinker Bell, then to Zazu, "And you, learn to fucking play, this is not Rock Surgery! Red, Green, Blue, that's fucking primary colors, that's grade 1 school shit, get your shit together, Zazu.", as Iago beats one of the drums with the drumsticks for the video game they're playing.

Zazu excused, "I'm not even doing that bad!"

"Zazu, Zazu, you're playing-", Iago argues calmly.

The blue toucan then says, "He's not doing anything else!", to Iago about Rafiki, who is meditating.

"Oh my god, even though Rafiki is meditating sometimes, he hasn't missed a single fucking note all night. He's a goddamn genius in this, so don't go there, Zazu.", the red parrot warns, talking about Rafiki, who is meditating, but playing still. Iago then apologizes to the meditating Rafiki, "Okay, I cannot believe Zazu's blaming this on you,like, you're a pro in this, you're fucking love this game, don't you?", as the wise Disney character opens his mouth, looks at Iago and nodded with agreement. Zazu then gets up and whines in disappointment, which Iago says to him, "Zazu, don't ever talk like that again, now fucking play! Fucking play, you're now playing in medium-"

Zazu told Iago about Rock Band 4, "Iago, you know I don't play these nerdy ass games, you know that!"

"This is not nerdy, Zazu. Other crappy games unlike this and the other good ones, that's nerdy. Fallout 4, when that comes out when I get it, I'll show you fucking nerdy! This is hip, Zazu! This is what the hip kids fucking play! They play this stuff in Seattle, okay? They play this stuff in Brooklyn, they play this stuff in Northern Virginia, I don't see them fucking do them, okay? And don't fucking tell me this is nerdy! This is- You should be into this shit!", suggested Iago, explaining reasons why Rock Band 4 isn't nerdy, to Zazu. "Okay? Now learn to fucking play, Zazu."

Zazu groans and is fed up, "You know what, no. I'm done for tonight. Okay? Here. Take it.", giving the game guitar to Iago.

"No, no, no, I-I- I know when you go to bed, Zazu, don't you fucking remember that? I'm the one that makes some noise, I'm the one that fucking makes some noise, Zazu.", the red parrot stutters and said, as Zazu starts leaving to his room. "Zazu, don't you go anywhere."

The blue toucan then says his reason to Iago, "Listen. I was trying to be your friend. I was trying to have fun with you...I live in this house...Listen."

"I have heard this a million fucking times, Zazu...", groans Iago.

Zazu wasn't finished, "You need to get your act together- You need to shape up, or you'll need to shape out."

"Oh my god, it that a factual, Zazu? Are you calling me a shape, Zazu? Are you saying that I'm-I'm- ROUND IS A SHAPE, Zazu! Round is a shape, I'm a shaped avian parrot, Zazu! Oh my god, can't you believe this?", Iago argues.

Tinker Bell calms Zazu, "Let's just go to bed, let's just go to bed..."

"He's probably making fun of me for eating crackers!", supposed the red parrot. " **You know it's hard to try not eating crackers, Zazu! I've playing this game to avoid snacking on crackers, Zazu!** "

The blue toucan then comments about the other bird to Tinker Bell, "It's just- I can't play games with him, he's too much of an idiot. Can't get anything done."

"Wha- What did you fucking say to me?", asks Iago, hearing part of Zazu's comment.

Zazu answers, "I said you're an idiot."

"I'm the fucking idiot? You can't- You can't play these fucking games, for shit, Zazu? And I'm the fucking idiot?", asking Iago, throwing the drumsticks at Zazu angrily. "You're the reason why we can't have a fucking band? Let me show- Let me give you a little Rock Band lesson real quick, Zazu? Okay? Let me show you a little Rock Band lesson real quick..."

Tinker Bell gasps and is shocked, saying to Iago, "Iago, don't-"

" **RED!** ", Iago roared, slamming the red part of the Rock Band additional drum set with the guitar Zazu was playing with for the Rock Band game, shocking Tinker Bell, Zazu, Rafiki, and the other two Disney characters Lumiere and Fifi as the red part broke, before he screeched, " **YELLOW!** ", slamming the yellow part of the drum set hardly with the guitar again, causing the broken red part of the drum set to fall off, the parrot screaming next, " **BLUE!** ", as he slams the blue part of the drum set with the guitar, and then yelling once more, " **GREEN!** ", slamming the green part of the drums lastly, breaking it and falling right off, much to Tinker Bell and Zazu's shock with the other three Disney characters. "Learn to...FUCKING PLAY, Zazu! Get your shit together!", he yells at Zazu, throwing the guitar the toucan was playing earlier at him, but misses, shocking Tinker Bell again. "Why don't you go to bed, Zazu? **WHY DON'T YOU GO TO BED, ZAZU! Why don't you go the fuck to BED, Zazu?** ", he then yells, throwing the broken game drum set towards Zazu, but misses again. "Goodnight. Goodnight, Tink. See you in the morning.", he calmly says, waving goodnight to Tinker Bell and Zazu, while the other three watch as Iago calms down and continue playing Rock Band 4.

Nevertheless, Tinker Bell and Zazu later did get a chance to go to bed after Iago's rant and problem with Rock Band 4.


End file.
